best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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