You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
