pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
