I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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