Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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