She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
