What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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