yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
