Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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