i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
