if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
