I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
