help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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