His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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