"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
