No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
