You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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