I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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