Rock
Scissors
Fuck
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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