so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
