I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
