omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
