Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
