she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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