How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
