bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize