took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
