she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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