Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
