youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
