It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
