genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I party with great urgency now.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
