He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
