your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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