Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
