I am spending my child support on dildos
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
