You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize