I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
