i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
