Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
