ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
