This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
