I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
