I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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