10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
