oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
People in love make me want to vomit
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Randomize
