woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
