When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
