jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
