Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
