sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
worst night to have a conscience
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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