i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
