You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
