who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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