Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
