it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
