I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Did you pee in the oven last night??
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
