ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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