pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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