you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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