Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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