Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
