Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
