why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
