And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
