If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
