My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
