My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
