you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
