the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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