i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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