i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
