Swine flu. Run for my life!
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
