Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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