I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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