You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
How's work?
Spinning.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
