Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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