Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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