yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
