he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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