Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
