Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
