Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
