He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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