I love black thongs
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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