Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
