I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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