and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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