I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
FUCK WHALES
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
