I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize